Don’t Cry For Me

Such A Young Child
Such A Young Child

Some of our favorite vacation memories are things we least expected to happen.

Like what happened last night at this blog, during a casual bedtime conversation.

Or maybe it’s a story from someone you just met, like Joe, at the resort swimming pool where the kids were playing.

Twenty years ago, Joe’s Mom had anywhere from a few days to a couple weeks to live. Joe, now 47, was at her bedside, crying like a baby.

She asked him why he was crying, and he told her he was sad that she was going to die very soon.

She then asked him to stop crying, go for a walk, and then return to her bedside. She insisted that his walk include the halls of the Hospital’s third floor.

When Joe returned, his Mom made him promise to not cry for her anymore. “I’ve had 53 years and a great life.”

His Mom was a very wise woman.

Joe understood this after walking the halls as his mother had instructed.

She knew full well the third floor was the pediatric cancer ward.

Fear Of Being Incapacitated?

Back Then, You Could Die Flying
Back Then, You Could Die Flying

Are you ready to die? Most don’t like to think about it. Ever wonder why this is so?

Two weeks ago on a flight to Allentown, Pennsylvania, I asked the woman (70-ish) next to me about death and dying. Long story, but it was neither awkward nor inappropriate.

The woman said she was not afraid of death. She told me “her life story” but added at the end, she was afraid of two things:

  1. Having no control over things
  2. Becoming a burden

While visiting Family in Allentown, I asked some direct questions.  The answers were fuzzy, meaning I left with no more insight than when I arrived.

Afraid?

Bury Me In Green (kidding)
Bury Me In Green (kidding)

Are you afraid to die?

Why?

Or maybe, why not?

It’s a funny thing that people who are afraid of death could think the people who think about it are fatalistic.

Intriguing thought.  One that never crossed my radar screen.

Unil two days ago.

Here’s the deal.   We should be talking about death and planning for it the same way we talk about:

  • getting an education
  • interviewing for a job
  • paying off a mortgage
  • finding a life mate
  • planning vacations

You see, the reality is, those things are just like death, they are things humans (with mortgages) go through.

Death is simply another thing on the list, except for one tiny little challenge.

It scares people more than anything (except public speaking).

And I can’t figure out why.

Could be that I’m completely off base on this.

Could be that I’m hitting the bulls eye.

So, let’s review:

  • We’re born
  • We die

Why not face the obvious with the same thoughtfulness any professional person approaches life’s other routine events.

Oh, and you did get the memo right?  The only thing you can really plan on is the one about death.  All the  others could go either way (successfully or unsuccessfully).

Death is the only one we will all successfully accomplish.

Fatalistic

It's Not What It Appears To Be
It's Not What It Appears To Be

Do you have any earthly idea when your funeral will be held?

Are you comfortable with your own mortality?

Does death and dying scare you?

These are questions most people in midlife try to avoid. One of the benefits from a midlife crisis is that it’s a friendly reminder that the clock is ticking and there is still time to transform.

Yesterday, on one of the Delta legs to get home from Massachusetts where I gave a few speeches, I had a conversation with a younger man, maybe 30.

He said I had a fatalistic life view.  Not knowing exactly what fatalistic meant, and being caught off guard a bit by his evaluation, I waited until I could check the definition.

He was incorrect.

Why?  I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Mid Life Words

Nothing Under Mid Life
Nothing Under Mid Life

Are you getting this? Mid Life Crisis versus Mid Life Celebration.

These are simply mid life words, but the difference between the two sets of words is as profound as the difference here:

  • Hate and Love
  • War and Peace
  • Terrorist and Missionary
  • Dishonest and Honest
  • Criminal and Saint
  • Death and Life
  • Apathy and Passion
  • Crisis and Celebration

Have I told you lately how much joy it brings to know there are others out there who benefit as much from Mid Life Celebration as I do?

Three days away from New Year’s Eve. Got big plans for 2010?