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Dear Son

A short story about “and then I realized”

Quote about holding onto pain
From a social media update but i can’t recall where. This short story, below, has been a huge growth experience.

 

A short story about “and then I realized”

The people i want to talk to the most almost always get a call, text, or email from me first.

The people i want to talk to the most rarely (almost never) initiate a call, text, or email.

And then i realized this (a long time ago, actually).

But for some unknown reason that i still can’t explain to this day, i felt a nagging guilt about how to remedy this.

Mostly, i felt like it was my place to always be the initiator.

i didn’t like it, and i still don’t.

And then i realized there was never any written or even weirdly implied expectation for me to always go first.

Over the years (decades) i suggested to some of my family and friends that we could set up some sort of schedule to call.

But many of my family and friends never liked that idea for whatever reasons and no process was ever tried.

And by the way, trying something new is only a starting point. A point from which things can be tweaked with input from those involved. Each Family member and Friend may like something a little different.

i’m used to scheduling things because i worked in a career that required me to be organized and to plan ahead in order to get the things done that were the most important.

And then i realized i have a choice that i have never done before.  What would happen if i stop calling, texting, and emailing?

And then i realized, i don’t need to feel guilty anymore.

And then i also realized, everyone is OK with this, and i was just making it a bigger deal than it really was/is.

Now I feel free.

And then i realized, i like this feeling of freedom.

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

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Categories
This Is Just For Me Would Your Life Change?

Mid Life Workaholics

“Workaholics commit slow suicide by refusing to allow the child inside them to play”. Dr. Lawrence Susser

Recognizing the intense desire to do a good job, many people still have a challenging time overcoming mid life work addiction.

My Grandfather worked full-time, plus he ran a TV repair business out of his basement.  This was back in the day when Televisions were heavy and huge.  He had to travel to people’s homes.  This traveling and the work required to repair TV’s in the basement, plus the travel to return the TV, must have made his work commitment enormous.

My Dad worked 5 1/2 days every single week at the Paper Mill.  On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, he taught 30-minute drum lessons in our living room – from 4pm until 8pm.  On Friday and Saturday nights, he played drums in a band – weddings, anniversaries, clubs, etc.

Now it’s my turn. Working at a Fortune 100 Company, there is no shortage of work to be done. And I’ve done it willingly for several decades.  Now, I’m also working on my retirement business – to help raise enough money to find a cure for our son’s Crohn’s disease.

The difference, I perceive, is that I have found creative ways to be part of our son’s life.  But only after I squandered the first four decades of my life.