Categories
Recommit

Continued from yesterday’s riff

Training. Teaching. Business. Uncharted territory is common. Risk taking is common. Growth is common.

Here’s an example of what i was describing yesterday about approval addiction.

Our son joins the cross country team in 10th grade and it was never about how well he ran.

It was about being part of a supportive team, developing relationships, setting goals, overcoming obstacles, persistence, recognizing progress, celebrating small victories unrelated to run times, and enjoying being a part of a loving community.

We gave consistent and positive feedback on traits like perseverance, courage, creativity, honesty, and perspective.

These are, after all, assets that last a lifetime, long after anyone remembers how fast you ran a 5k.

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Categories
Rethink

Approval addiction

discomfort
No one has to believe this. And some, it’s all they believe.

What do you think when you hear “approval addiction”?

Does it mean anything to you?

Should it?

Are you a victim of it?

Are you unknowingly fueling another person’s future addiction to approval?

It is not something anyone consciously decides to do.

Becoming aware of the phenomenon a decade ago at a Montessori school presentation, i set out to .parent .differently

Fast forward from 2009 to last night.

Texted a question to our son, “Do u have 1 min for a call”.

“Yeah”.

i felt compelled to tell him how proud i am of who he has become and where he is in life.

He rarely heard me say “how proud I am of you.”

There is a belief that constant approval (“I’m proud of you for ____.”) can have children and teens seek approval.

Reminded him that i (and my wife) never wanted him to become another victim.

We focused (and continue to focus) on traits, behaviors, and values. We are always impressed with his growth with personal responsibility.

We could probably use a 0ne-minute conversation with ourselves as well.

“Hey jeff, i am proud of who you’ve become and where you are in life.”

Or…

“Hey jeff, you have taken some incredible risks in the past decade and we can see your passion, persistence, and determination paying off with a freedom to do what you want when you want. Your ability to help others think differently is putting a positive dent in our Universe.”

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Categories
Dear Son

Reprise from yesterday’s insight about wisdom and our thoughts

Sanibel sunrise
Every day that you wake up (alive) is an opportunity to do the impossible.

 

Reprise from yesterday’s insight about wisdom and our thoughts…

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Had my first drink at 13 the Summer of 1972.

Somewhere around 18 i went full-time.

At 41, on my third “no, this time i mean it” attempt, i stopped.

Impossible is nothing…

There was no middle ground for me. Every day or not at all. i quit on New Year’s Eve (not New Years Day), the biggest drinking day in the world.

Prior, i promised myself i’d stop if my wife got pregnant. Did well for a little while, but failed.

Made another promise, “When the baby is born.”

Did well for even longer (about 6 months) than the first failure, but failed again.

Then, as our Son was almost 1.5 years old, i decided Dec 30 would be my last drinking day.

That was 2001.

Failure paves the way for success if you want it bad enough.

 

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Categories
Dear Son

The first “sober” New Years Eve happened in 2001

Highline Trail
The best hike of my entire life happened August 31, 2016 with Dave Weir – Highline Trail in Glacier National Park. It happened 3 more times in 2017 on the same trail – with Family July 31, Howard Doran August 30, and solo September 29…pictured here. 

Highline Trail
September 29, 2017 the trail was deserted.

Orlando Disney Keynote Speakers
Smiling because i’m free, yet knowing the devil is always wanting a piece of me,

Highline Trail
Fall colors from shrubs and trees, not flowers, this time of year.

Highline Trail
Remnant smoke from the 2017 Sprague fire.

The first “sober” New Years Eve happened in 2001.

i intentionally picked December 30 to be my final drinking day, so that New Years Eve (the biggest drinking day in the world) would be the beginning of my resolve.

New Years Day is a terrible day to begin transformational change – it’s so unreliable.

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Categories
Recommit

My final day of a 28-year run

St Mary Lake
First time i stood here was Summer 1973, when i was 14 – the Summer before my first drink of alcohol. Photo: Summer 2017.

 

My final day of a 28-year run concluded on this day (December 30) in 2001.

Backstory…

In 1974, barely 15, had my first taste of cheap wine one Summer night before going to the Spring Grove – Jefferson Carnival. Drank enough (which wasn’t much) to be seriously buzzed.

By 1976, i was drinking on weekends between football and track seasons, as well as all Summer long.

In 1977 i entered College and i would say this marked the beginning of a daily habit that would span 24 years – literally not missing a day.

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