Lorie Sheffer – Page 16 – Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker

Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness step 4

The 4^th step to forgiveness is knowing that…….

……we do not need to be loyal to our pain. There is no need for us to carry it around with us. It is such a heavy burden.

We should not allow our pain or hurt to define who we are. There is so much more to us than “victim”.

What a relief to give ourselves permission to live in peace and contentment, even amidst angry, miserable people.

“But how can I possibly allow myself to enjoy life when there is so much suffering around me?” Because we honor the suffering in the world by seeing the joy in life. There is so much pain and suffering in the world that if that was ALL there was to life, then life itself would be hopeless.

As the French writer Andre Gide said, “Know that joy is rarer, more difficult and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.”

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Lorie Sheffer guest blogger: Forgiveness – step three

Cat on back — Abby doesn’t know how to hold a grudge (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

Over the past two weeks I’ve explained the first two steps to forgiveness. Step three is to understand the personal benefits. Think how much lighter you would feel if you let go of past pain and hurt. Put it down, walked away and refused to look back.

Allowing ourselves to forgive and move on makes us a much nicer person to be around, and so we may find the wonderful people in our lives choose to spend more time with us. If we’ve ever been around someone who talks about old hurts and wrongs and who makes negative comments about another person- no matter how justified- we know how tiring that becomes. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant and it can even become rather boring. Even if not vocalized, pain and resentment pollutes the way we interact with our loved ones.

Imagine how much better we would all sleep at night if we didn’t drift off while playing those old tapes in our head; those tapes in which we either relive the wrong that was done to us or lie there plotting our fantasy revenge scenarios. Imagine, instead, falling asleep with thoughts that calm us and make us happy.

Forgiveness is a gift we give to OURSELF.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness – Step two

The first step to forgiveness is our understanding what it is and what it is not. (See last week’s post)

The second step is to realize what it is costing us not to forgive and move on. What is the price we pay when we hang on to our suffering; the energy expended, the emotional toll? When we hang on to something that is detrimental to our emotional and physical wellbeing, we are not being kind to ourselves.

Why would we choose to add self-inflicted hurt to the hurt that was laid upon us by someone else? To do so would be to kick ourselves in the face when we are down.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness

Tranquility and compassion (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

One of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves is forgiveness. When we are wronged or hurt, we tend to be harsh judges of those who have wronged us, especially when that person is our self.

Forgiveness means giving up the hope for a better past. Not an easy thing to do. But by not forgiving, we are allowing ourselves to continue to be hurt by the offense, and we are preventing ourselves from being able to be fully open to joy.

Forgiveness is not condoning. It doesn’t mean we will forget. It doesn’t even mean we ever have to speak to or have contact with the person who harmed us. We may certainly take steps to protect ourselves from being harmed again.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. It is a process that can take quite a long time. We need to acknowledge the pain and experience the grief of betrayal. It can be difficult, but the effort will most certainly pay off when we are able to let go of the pain and anger and open our hearts to love more deeply and enjoy life more fully. Forgiveness gives us back our power.

There are steps we can take to guide us along our path to letting go and moving on. More on that next week.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Brain fog

Foggy morning at Delaware beach — Midlife can bring some really strange symptoms (photo: Gary Sheffer)

My husband came into the yard on Monday to ask me a question. I had been out there transplanting lavender, scrubbing the birdbath and watering my hanging baskets.

“Hey….. is there a reason that big pot of potatoes has been boiling on the stove for a LONG time?”

“Oh….. Um, yeah. Because I totally forgot about them.”

This led to a discussion among my female friends; apparently eggs explode when they cook dry, it doesn’t take long for a bathtub to overflow if it’s left running, and even the most well trained dog will pee on the floor if you forget to let it outside.

Memory lapses can give us a little moment of panic. We ARE getting older, and most of us know someone who has suffered from dementia. But we women have known for years that midlife can bring some really strange symptoms. Night sweats, dizziness, heart palpitations, and brain fog. Just last year, when my doctor asked how I was doing, I answered, “Sweaty and stupid.” He assured me that while this was unsettling, it was also normal and in time would pass.

I was sleeping rather peacefully yesterday when my husband woke me up to share a newsflash. Menopausal brain fog is REAL! Studies have proven it! Wow. Alert the presses on that one. Next thing you know studies will prove that as some men age, their hair may thin or they may lose it altogether.

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