Guest Bloggers – Page 34 – Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker

I Love A Parade, By Lorie Sheffer, Guest Blogger

A few weeks ago I read one of Jeff’s posts about a young man with disabilities who was a member of a marching band. It reminded me of a story I read about in our local paper a number of years ago.

A young man of high school age had cerebral palsy. He wanted to be a member of his school’s marching band. This didn’t seem to be a problem, as he had someone who pushed his wheelchair in parades. Then the band began to include some intricate moves in order for a chance to win in field competition, and now this young man could possibly hold them back from their ultimate goal of collecting a trophy. They wanted him to sit on the sidelines and play from there.

A neighbor and I got into a discussion about this issue as it was being played out in the papers. She asked me, wouldn’t I be upset if my kids had worked really hard and were being held back from a possible trophy because of a person with a disability? I answered that I was pretty certain that my kids wouldn’t want to participate unless this young man could part of the group.

To this day, I don’t know who eventually won that trophy. I know that the band in question was not from the school district in which I live, but I cannot remember which district it was. I’m not even sure if the young man got to participate or not. Still, it leaves me with questions. At what point is winning not the most important thing? Are there greater lessons to be learned than perfect formations and hitting all the right notes? Is it better to be remembered for what we won, or how we treated our friends along the way? Should we reach out to those for whom life may not be so easy, or should we reach out for a chance at that brass ring, no matter whom we have to knock out of the way to get it?

Get Busy Living, By Lorie Sheffer, Guest Blogger

Midlife Celebration Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer — Lorie Sheffer's Daughter graduating May 2011

It’s wonderful to be able to live in the moment and appreciate what is happening right now, at this very second. Sometimes, though, this very moment isn’t so great. That is when having something to look forward to can make all the difference.

My dad has been in and out of the hospital for the past year and a half. My parents graduated from the same high school in the same year. They still maintain close friendships with many of their classmates. They never miss their reunions. While visiting my parents on Thursday, Dad told me that he really wanted to go. He said that he hadn’t been out of the house for a year and a half, which isn’t entirely true. But getting out of the house to go to doctor appointments and hospital stays isn’t really getting out at all. He said that he wanted to go to this one because “everybody’ll be dead for the next one. Our class is dropping like flies.” He was joking, but they DID lose quite a few friends over the past couple of years. My mother said she didn’t want to go. I think that is because she just didn’t trust being able to handle Dad should his arthritis decide to kick in full force.

On the drive across town to our house, I made up my mind. My husband knew what I was going to say before I said it. I turned to him and before the words were out of my mouth, he handed me my cell phone. My mother called me back later that night to tell me that Dad was acting like a kid getting ready for his first prom. He had already chosen what to wear and had her iron his shirt. There was a time when I had my dad wrapped. Oh, how the tables have turned!

Last night was The Big Night. I walked in to find my dad in clothes I haven’t seen him wear since before he got sick. He had a look on his face that I haven’t seen in quite some time. At the car, I turned to fold his walker and when I turned back to help him into the car he was already seated and trying to fasten his seatbelt. He walked in to the hotel lobby and was swarmed by friends who hugged and kissed and shook his hand. They were all thrilled to see him and commented on how good he looks. Mom was off with her group of girlfriends, chatting and laughing. I got Dad seated and left to go have dinner with my husband. I told Mom to use her cell phone to call me if they needed to leave early. After dinner my husband and I ran out of things to do, so we decided to just wait in the hotel parking lot, in the car, and talk for an hour. The sound of my cell phone woke us both. My parent’s classmates were getting into their cars. It was 11:00 and the party was over. Past our bedtime, but apparently still early for this group!

I went in to help get Dad to the car, and found him sitting at the table with a group of his friends, talking and laughing. Had I not been to witness the past year and a half I would have refused to believe he had ever been sick.

Be it a reunion, graduation, wedding, new baby, visit from an old friend, we need things to look forward to. For ourselves as well as for our loved ones, the anticipation of something we are excited about means the difference between existing and really living.

Rise Above It, By Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer

“Quarreling is like cutting water with a sword”.

We add to our own stress by acting out in anger or getting into pointless arguments just to try to win at a situation that has no meaning. If we practice using restraint, it will eventually become automatic. It really does take greater strength to show restraint than it does to show aggression.

Just this past week, I had to show restraint. I was sitting under a portico at 8AM, waiting in the car with my dad while Mom went inside to get a wheelchair to transport him. We were chatting and I didn’t see a car pull up behind us. What got my attention was a woman pounding the trunk of my parents’ car with her fist while screaming a tirade of obscenities. I calmly got out and apologized to her, even though her behavior was inexcusable. I told her that had her driver asked us to move, or even tapped his horn to signal me, I would have been more than happy to get out of their way. Then I asked her if she needed me to help her get inside. She was rather confused by my reaction, and it was very obvious she was embarrassed by her own outburst. Her driver used this time to head for the parking lot, and the look on his faced told me that he was mortified. She apologized profusely. I smiled and told her that I hoped she would be feeling better soon. My calmness put me in control of the situation and actually gave me the upper hand.

When I got back into the car and told my dad what had happened he shook his head and laughed. My mother, however, was furious. I had to explain to her that we have been stressed by my dad’s illness and that I was not going to allow someone we didn’t even know to add to that stress. Sure, I would have been justified in giving that woman a piece of my mind, but to what end? She was the one who acted out, and she was the one who walked away feeling remorseful for her outburst. Why should I allow her to make me feel bad? My anger would surely have affected both of my parents as well as myself. In most cases, it really is better to rise above it. Not so much for the sake of the person who has offended you as for yourself and for the people who really do matter.

Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer: You CAN Teach An Old Dog New Tricks!

At some point around the time I hit the half-century mark I developed this sudden fear of becoming a fogy. As in “old fogy”. We all know a few – those crabby old people who refuse to budge in their ideas or give an inch when it comes to anything even slightly resembling change. They live in a rut, doing things the same way day in and day out.

Learning something new or trying something different need not be exotic. Stepping outside of your comfort zone doesn’t have to involve parachutes or grappling hooks. It doesn’t need to be done with the risk of public humiliation, ala Dancing With the Stars.

Today, I finished a project that I am very happy about. I have a sense of satisfaction that only comes with accomplishing something you weren’t sure about. It all began with a vision of fabric for new kitchen curtains. After endless searching I realized that although my dream curtains didn’t exist, the dream fabric did. I found it one day while randomly searching a vintage fabric website. I thought of the sewing machine sitting in the spare bedroom. In a moment of self assured weakness I ordered six yards, quite certain I could not only make the curtains, but also pillows for my window seat. Not long after placing the order I was filled with self-doubt. I had flashbacks to the day in high school home ec. class when I ran a sewing machine needle straight through my finger.

What was the worst that could happen? I would end up having wasted money on fabric. But that’s not what happened. Tired but satisfied, I hung the curtains this afternoon and placed the first pillow on the window seat. Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

This experience makes me want to try something that I have not had the courage to do: Enter a Christmas cookie contest. I know, it sounds ridiculous. Considering some of the things I have done in life without ever batting an eye, a cookie contest seems pretty tame. The irony of the things I am doing in order not to be an old fogy isn’t lost on me. I mean really; sewing and baking? But then I think of Project Runway and Ace of Cakes, and I realize that everything old is new again!

Self Serving, By Lorie Sheffer, Guest Blogger

Sometimes we must think of ourselves. It’s hard to do when our main concern is to help others. We are taught early on that putting the needs of others before our own needs is virtuous. We learn that “selfish” is a bad thing to be. And yet if we don’t care for ourselves we really can’t take care of anyone else.

Incredibly, in the last few weeks I have been through a hurricane, an earthquake, a flood and a medical emergency. In fact the flood was the same day as the medical emergency. Days were spent cleaning up our flooded basement and then driving to the hospital. Some days I forgot to eat. Last night I noticed that my hands were shaking and I felt lightheaded. I had been going on too little sleep, too much stress and very little food. I also found the order for my yearly mammogram tucked into the rungs of the stair rails. I didn’t schedule it because I didn’t want it to interfere with my father’s outpatient treatments that required me for transportation.

How stupid to allow ourselves to become rundown and tired, the result of trying to put the needs of another before our own. If we really want to care for someone else, we have to care for ourselves. We have to remember to eat even more healthily, try to get extra sleep, and keep up with our own medications and appointments. Even when stress is high and our appetite is low, foods like hard boiled eggs, cereal bars, peanut butter on whole grain bread or small cans of vegetable juice are easy to grab on the way out the door and can be eaten in the car or stashed in a purse or backpack. When sleep is hard to come by, even a 30-minute nap can be a huge help. I type these words while my eyes are heavy, but a nap awaits me. If I get sick, who is going to step in to take over? Not caring for myself would, in fact, be selfish.