Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness Step seven – Learn

John Hopkins Medical Center (photo: Lorie Sheffer)
John Hopkins Medical Center (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

Learn the inner and outer forms of forgiveness.

Sometimes we turn anger inward, which harms us. Other times we turn our anger outward, which harms those around us.

To help overcome inward anger, we may find that prayer or meditation helps to calm us.

Outwardly, we might try to stop talking in a negative way about others or behaving with aggression and negativity.

Research has conclusively shown that angry, aggressive people have greater thickening of neck arteries, which may lead to stroke. They also have higher risk of heart disease than those who are less stressed.

How many times do we need to read or hear about aggression leading to violence? Road rages gone horribly awry, people being shot in the heat of an angry argument, or domestic violence are all ways that outward anger is expressed.

Try to pay attention to how you feel inside and how you are behaving toward others. Be mindful of your inward and outward expressions of anger and resentment. The goal is to refuse to allow negative emotions to rule your life.

Next Blog

 

Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness Step six – Intention

Amish Family enjoying beach
Enjoying the beach is a universal delight (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

INTENTION.

A determination to act in a certain way. Resolve.

What one intends to do or bring about.

A process or manner of healing an incised wound.

Step six on the path to learning forgiveness seems almost too logical:

INTEND to be a forgiving person.

Next Blog

 

Lorie Sheffer guest blogger: Forgiveness step 5, practice

Stack of firewood
Photo: Lorie Sheffer

 

As French existentialist/philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, “Freedom is what we do with what has been done to us.”

The fifth step toward forgiveness is our understanding that, like with most things in life, it takes time, effort and practice. Learning to forgive is a process. We may take three steps forward and two steps back, but so long as we keep our eye on the destination, the day will come when we are free of the weight of our burden.

Next Blog

 

Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness step 4

Photo: Lorie Sheffer
Photo: Lorie Sheffer

 

The 4th step to forgiveness is knowing that…….

……we do not need to be loyal to our pain. There is no need for us to carry it around with us. It is such a heavy burden.

We should not allow our pain or hurt to define who we are. There is so much more to us than “victim”.

What a relief to give ourselves permission to live in peace and contentment, even amidst angry, miserable people.

“But how can I possibly allow myself to enjoy life when there is so much suffering around me?”  Because we honor the suffering in the world by seeing the joy in life.  There is so much pain and suffering in the world that if that was ALL there was to life, then life itself would be hopeless.

As the French writer Andre Gide said, “Know that joy is rarer, more difficult and more beautiful than sadness. Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.”

Next Blog

 

Lorie Sheffer guest blogger: Forgiveness – step three

Cat on back
Abby doesn’t know how to hold a grudge (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

Over the past two weeks I’ve explained the first two steps to forgiveness. Step three is to understand the personal benefits.  Think how much lighter you would feel if you let go of past pain and hurt. Put it down, walked away and refused to look back.

Allowing ourselves to forgive and move on makes us a much nicer person to be around, and so we may find the wonderful people in our lives choose to spend more time with us. If we’ve ever been around someone who talks about old hurts and wrongs and who makes negative comments about another person- no matter how justified- we know how tiring that becomes. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant and it can even become rather boring. Even if not vocalized, pain and resentment pollutes the way we interact with our loved ones.

Imagine how much better we would all sleep at night if we didn’t drift off while playing those old tapes in our head; those tapes in which we either relive the wrong that was done to us or lie there plotting our fantasy revenge scenarios. Imagine, instead, falling asleep with thoughts that calm us and make us happy.

Forgiveness is a gift we give to OURSELF.

Next Blog