Guest Bloggers – Page 7 – Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker

Lorie Sheffer Guest blogger: Forgiveness Step 8 – Be shown the way

Grandson and Grandma kissing — Lorie Sheffer & Grandson Carter at the end of a conversation and the beginning of forgiveness (photo: Gary Sheffer)

Step 8 on the path to learning forgiveness is to allow someone close to you, someone who is easily forgivable, to show you the way. Pay attention to how easy it is to forgive them, and how little stress you feel about being able to let go, move on, and not allow that moment of anger to spoil the day.

Next, try it with someone who grates on your nerves a bit more. It may be more challenging, but the rewards are worth the effort. Anger doesn’t feel good. Bottled up resentment is hazardous to your happiness.

When you get to the point of being able to let go of the negative feelings toward that slightly irritating person, you will then have the practice necessary to move on to more serious hurts and betrayals. You don’t have to learn to like someone in order to forgive him or her. It’s probably not going to be easy, but with what you have learned so far in the previous steps, it will be doable. It may take time and considerable effort, but don’t give up on yourself! I say “don’t give up on YOURSELF”, because you are the one who will, in the end, benefit the most, both mentally and physically.

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Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness Step seven – Learn

John Hopkins Medical Center (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

Learn the inner and outer forms of forgiveness.

Sometimes we turn anger inward, which harms us. Other times we turn our anger outward, which harms those around us.

To help overcome inward anger, we may find that prayer or meditation helps to calm us.

Outwardly, we might try to stop talking in a negative way about others or behaving with aggression and negativity.

Research has conclusively shown that angry, aggressive people have greater thickening of neck arteries, which may lead to stroke. They also have higher risk of heart disease than those who are less stressed.

How many times do we need to read or hear about aggression leading to violence? Road rages gone horribly awry, people being shot in the heat of an angry argument, or domestic violence are all ways that outward anger is expressed.

Try to pay attention to how you feel inside and how you are behaving toward others. Be mindful of your inward and outward expressions of anger and resentment. The goal is to refuse to allow negative emotions to rule your life.

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Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness Step six – Intention

Amish Family enjoying beach — Enjoying the beach is a universal delight (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

INTENTION.

A determination to act in a certain way. Resolve.

What one intends to do or bring about.

A process or manner of healing an incised wound.

Step six on the path to learning forgiveness seems almost too logical:

INTEND to be a forgiving person.

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Lorie Sheffer guest blogger: Forgiveness – step three

Cat on back — Abby doesn’t know how to hold a grudge (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

Over the past two weeks I’ve explained the first two steps to forgiveness. Step three is to understand the personal benefits. Think how much lighter you would feel if you let go of past pain and hurt. Put it down, walked away and refused to look back.

Allowing ourselves to forgive and move on makes us a much nicer person to be around, and so we may find the wonderful people in our lives choose to spend more time with us. If we’ve ever been around someone who talks about old hurts and wrongs and who makes negative comments about another person- no matter how justified- we know how tiring that becomes. It’s awkward, it’s unpleasant and it can even become rather boring. Even if not vocalized, pain and resentment pollutes the way we interact with our loved ones.

Imagine how much better we would all sleep at night if we didn’t drift off while playing those old tapes in our head; those tapes in which we either relive the wrong that was done to us or lie there plotting our fantasy revenge scenarios. Imagine, instead, falling asleep with thoughts that calm us and make us happy.

Forgiveness is a gift we give to OURSELF.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Does the noise in my head bother you?

Blue car — In the blink of an eye, the car is totaled and no one got hurt. Photo: Lorie Sheffer

The title of Steven Tyler’s book made me think long and hard about the distractions we all seem to live with, conjured up in our own heads.

Multitasking seems to be regarded as a virtue. Yet studies have shown that, in reality, multitasking leads to a 40% reduction in productivity.

Years ago a young woman in my yoga class was having trouble. Her trouble wasn’t with flexibility or strength. She said her problem came at the end of class, during the shavasana. This is at the end of class, the part where you clear your mind and concentrate on your breathing. She said she kept going all the things she needed to do when she got home. She couldn’t silence her inner chatter even for that brief period of time.

Sometimes the inner noise can lead to minor mishaps. A few weeks ago I was baking blueberry muffins while mentally going over my last minute “to do list” for my yard sale. The result was one of the very few baking screw-ups I’ve ever had, and I’m still not sure what I did that caused the gluey, tough muffins that ended up in the trash. Other times our inner chatter causes us to forget something that later turns out to be funny. Like the time my friend woke up to discover she had left her car sitting in the driveway all night with the engine running. Then there are the tragedies and near tragedies. We have all read the nightmare of an overworked, over-scheduled parent forgetting their baby is in the backseat of the car on a brutally hot day. We hear news accounts of someone who lost their home in a fire because they forgot they had something on the stove. Distraction. Thinking about what’s next on that endless list.

Does the noise in my head bother you? The answer can be “yes”. The noise in our heads and resulting inability to focus on the task at hand can not only be bothersome and stressful to us, it can be downright dangerous to those around us.