Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker
Five daily blogs about life's 5 big choices on five interconnected sites.
Become the person you wish to be.
We’ve probably all known or heard of a person who is harsh and maybe a bit intimidating or hard to enjoy. We’ll often hear a comment from someone close to that person, along the lines of, “Oh… but he has such a soft side!” or “She really can be sweet when she wants to be!” Notice how, when this person shows that soft side, their face and body language relaxes, they smile more and they seem generally happier.
Move toward your soft, loving inner self.
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The tenth step in our way to learning to let go and forgive is to understand all the ways we carry anger, trauma and pain.
We carry it physically as well as emotionally.
There’s an old saying, “Hurt people hurt.” When we carry pain and resentment, we will often lash out and become angry, hurtful people.
A recent study at Temple University Hospital, led by Domenico Practico, MD, Professor of Pharmacology and Microbiology, found strong evidence that “stress is an environmental factor that looks like it may play a very important role in the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.”
Stress is something we can learn to manage. We can’t always remove or change the source of the stress, but we can change how we react to it.
We need to be aware of the same old tapes we play over and over again in our minds. A staggering 98% of the thoughts we have today are the same ones we had yesterday. When those thoughts are negative, no wonder we feel bad.
We can retrain our brains to let go of those negative old thoughts and replace them with new, positive thoughts and memories.
Everyone at some time in his or her life has been hurt, disappointed or betrayed. We aren’t alone in feeling disappointment and pain. We owe it to ourselves and to those around us to learn to put down those negative thoughts and step away toward happiness.
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Step #9 on the path to forgiveness: Grief.
In moving toward forgiveness, we are not attempting to deny that we were hurt by the actions of ourselves or another person. We are learning to accept that we were caused pain, to grieve and work through that pain, and then to let it go so that so that we can move ahead unencumbered by it.
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Stonewood Park was Harry Schenck’s vision for his Eagle Scout project. He died tragically in a car accicent at age 16, a high school junior. The backstory is here.
Step 8 on the path to learning forgiveness is to allow someone close to you, someone who is easily forgivable, to show you the way. Pay attention to how easy it is to forgive them, and how little stress you feel about being able to let go, move on, and not allow that moment of anger to spoil the day.
Next, try it with someone who grates on your nerves a bit more. It may be more challenging, but the rewards are worth the effort. Anger doesn’t feel good. Bottled up resentment is hazardous to your happiness.
When you get to the point of being able to let go of the negative feelings toward that slightly irritating person, you will then have the practice necessary to move on to more serious hurts and betrayals. You don’t have to learn to like someone in order to forgive him or her. It’s probably not going to be easy, but with what you have learned so far in the previous steps, it will be doable. It may take time and considerable effort, but don’t give up on yourself! I say “don’t give up on YOURSELF”, because you are the one who will, in the end, benefit the most, both mentally and physically.
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Learn the inner and outer forms of forgiveness.
Sometimes we turn anger inward, which harms us. Other times we turn our anger outward, which harms those around us.
To help overcome inward anger, we may find that prayer or meditation helps to calm us.
Outwardly, we might try to stop talking in a negative way about others or behaving with aggression and negativity.
Research has conclusively shown that angry, aggressive people have greater thickening of neck arteries, which may lead to stroke. They also have higher risk of heart disease than those who are less stressed.
How many times do we need to read or hear about aggression leading to violence? Road rages gone horribly awry, people being shot in the heat of an angry argument, or domestic violence are all ways that outward anger is expressed.
Try to pay attention to how you feel inside and how you are behaving toward others. Be mindful of your inward and outward expressions of anger and resentment. The goal is to refuse to allow negative emotions to rule your life.
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