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Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Rage

Rage (photo: Lorie Sheffer)
Rage (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

A murder trial is happening in my hometown. It happened one beautiful summer Sunday morning, when a neighbor shot and killed another neighbor in the middle of the street not more than two miles from where I live.  There was a history of them arguing about woodpiles, barking dogs and unkempt yards. Emails the deceased had sent to friends describing how he was going to bully the shooter into submission. The deceased had made it his mission to make sure all of the yards and homes in the neighborhood were maintained to his standards, sometimes to the extent of mowing lawns he felt were overgrown. Imagine his rage at the person who belligerently refused to comply. Imagine the rage of the shooter, constantly being badgered and publicly taunted.

Anger can be a natural, healthy emotion. It is a response to actual or perceived emotional or physical pain. It can be used to express frustration and vent pent up feelings. But it can easily become destructive. Anger temporarily distracts us from the pain that is behind it. It makes us feel less vulnerable to be angry, because anger shows aggression. Someone has wronged us, and by God they should be held accountable. The greater the underlying pain or feeling of having been wronged, the more explosive the anger can become.

We can’t control the behavior of those around us. We can, however, control how we respond. The more controlling we try to be, the more we set ourselves up for anger. Sometimes being in control means not being controlling. There will always be jerks in this world. There will always be people who drive too fast, cut ahead of us in line, don’t care about their property as much as we care about ours, dress in ways we find silly or inappropriate. There will always be those who disagree with our religious or political views, who cheer for an opposing team, who like to listen to loud music or behave in ways that are rude or insulting. Sometimes it helps to realize that they most likely are not behaving that way just to irritate us, personally. If we depersonalize their behavior, it’s easier to walk away. Always, always we need to ask ourselves, “Is this really worth it?”

By jeff noel

Retired Disney Institute Keynote Speaker and Prolific Blogger. Five daily, differently-themed personal blogs (about life's 5 big choices) on five different sites.

3 replies on “Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Rage”

Lorie, knowing now that the shooter was acquitted begs the question you ask at the end of your post. Is this really worth it?

To us, the simple answer is no.

To the shooter, only he can say.

Given what the laws are and the history behind this case, I think the verdict was correct. But wow…… It shines a light on the effects of months of harassment, threats and bullying, as well as the split second decision to shoot a man in self defense and then discover that man was unarmed. I can’t imagine that wanting to control an unkempt lawn and barking dogs is worth giving up your life. Nor can I imagine living with the knowledge that you shot someone to death over what amounted to nothing more than verbal assault.

Lorie, this is how the “life is complicated” cliche got started – things beyond explanation occur over and over.

On a side note. Thank you for sharing this story/post.

Midlife is a great time to completely accept that life is complicated and to use our decades of wisdom to move forward smarter, more joyfully, and with a greater awareness of the infinite blessings surrounding each and everyone of us.

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