Guest Bloggers – Page 44 – Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker

Mom Lost Her Keys

Our newest Guest Blogger at Mid Life Celebration, Connie Wright, returns today for her second installment of a story that will sound familiar to many of you. Take it away Connie:

Family started arriving 3 days before my nephew’s wedding; being the closest family member to the church and reception – I became the hotel for some and restaurant for many more. The house filled with 10 “residents” and dinners were for 20 or more. Days started early and ended late.

Mom celebrated in all the people coming and going – she had missed activity in her life the past few months. Life in Pennsylvania was quieter as she shut down the house; some stayed away because they thought that was what she wanted (and in the beginning she thought she did want people to stay away) and others stayed away because – well – you know- after you say you’re sorry about Malcolm dying – what do you talk about – the rest seems so trivial?

As the house filled with people, she caught up with family and visited with cousins. She liked the puttering of clean up “it gives me something to do”. My sister and I took her to the art museum where our great, great, great.. grandmother’s portrait hangs. Painted by Sully, a famous painter in the early 1800s, it was exciting for her to see the portrait. It was a busy week.

As the crescendo of noise and flow of people increased, Mom decided maybe she should put some of her cash in a safe place and move her keys to another safe place. But she didn’t tell anyone she was doing this.
Now I am blessed that at 85, Mom has her wits about her. She writes notes to help her remember, but most of the time – that simple act seals the memory and the notes aren’t needed. But she is passing through into another phase of her life and with it so am I.

There was a time when I harbored the unrealistic idea that if everything came crashing down in my world, I could grab what was most important and “go home”. Now I am that refuge for my mother. She will head to Florida on her own, but she knows it is borrowed time and it will be her; not me; grabbing what is most important when things start to crash down. I will be her safe harbor should she need it.

She remembered where she put her money, but the keys are a precursor and very symbolic of what will be next. How long can she drive? Will it be years or months of independent living? She worries now about when that time will come, how she will handle it and what it will mean. She did so much for my father these past few years as his illness made him so very fatigued, she gracefully moved him into that phase without making anyone aware of that. She knows it will be less subtle for her. She will be losing her keys; only this next time it will be “for keeps”.

Thank you Connie for your touching and poignant story. Living in Florida for the past 27 years, I’ve observed the choices seniors make, and don’t make. It would almost seem that simple exercise, like walking, would allow seniors to be some of the healthiest people around.

Happiness Is…

Lorie Sheffer’s post today offers a thought provoking challenge. It gets us thinking, and that is one of the reasons we tune in every Sunday. Take it away Lorie:

“Happiness = spending time with people who love you for who you are instead of just accepting you for who you are.”

I have a rather eclectic mix of friends, to say the least. One of my favorites wrote this as her Facebook status update. I am so fortunate to have amazing people in my life who, according to some, are eccentric or odd or different. Which is the reason I love them in the first place. They dare to be themselves no matter what.

Do you love your friends or family in spite of things about them you consider to be different or odd or out of the norm, or because of it? How about the reasons people choose to spend time with you? Are you your real, authentic self, or are you trying to fit the mold that society expects and readily accepts?

Lorie gives us a good paradox to work on this week. Did you know there are actually people who dislike healthy, active friends. And there are people who dislike those who are sedentary.

She Has Moved On

Guest Bloggers offer readers (and blog owners) several things, like a different set of experiences, different perspectives, and a state change. Today, Saturday, I’m introducing you to Connie Wright, a fellow Baby Boomer and Midlife traveler, who shares a recent story many of us can relate to:

So I spent two days wrapping up the final touches on packing up my mother’s house. Mom had spent the whole summer organizing, giving things away and packing. The “for sale” sign hangs out front. She would remind me of what little that remains in the house as to what came from where; what great grandfather or great aunt made or gave us what and who should get what when the house does sell. She repeats herself, but less out of forgetfulness and more to try to imprint in me all that she wishes to communicate. She has it down to the basics.

Saturday morning she looks around, sets the house alarm and declares she is ready, she notes she hopes it doesn’t sell and she can come back one last time “I need to get more done” and we hop in the car for the long 7 hour drive back to my house. She will stay with me for one week; celebrate my nephew’s wedding and then head to Florida.

The drive to my house is a well worn path that both my parents used to drive to visit my brother and me (he’s just an hour “down the road”). Now it is just us and Mom reminisces about the landmarks she’d pass with Dad and what they would do. The first hour is still near home – so there is much to discuss about what they did – some are memories from her youth – when my parents were dating (or as she says “courting”) others are more recent. We can’t remember the name of the greenhouse they went to one time outside of Mechanicsburg… For those of you who know me, you know I don’t lack for the gift of gab, but this is a time for me to just listen and to ask questions. There are times I’m not sure she is even speaking to me – though I know she knows I am listening.

As we get further from home, the conversation goes more to memories unrelated to our location. And she shares messages she wants to make sure I communicate to my siblings. She’s still a strong woman and should have many more years, but she is preparing for THAT tomorrow. There was a time I did not like hearing her face her mortality, not sure if it’s my father’s death or just that she has talked more about it – but I can listen now. I used to “pooh pah” these conversations and push them off, but on this ride, on this journey away from the town she grew up in with her knowing this could be her last time home, I listen.

The trip takes a path and so does the conversation – at the midway point she is most reminiscent of the past. We stop for lunch at a diner in Stamford CT. I see the habits of how she eats come out – insisting she isn’t hungry – but teasing her that I don’t want to share, she orders her own sandwich and of course eats it all. She talks about being the last sibling in her family alive and wishes she had someone from those times to reconfirm her memories or to recall a shared experience.

Back on the road, as we start to close in on my home, the path to our conversation starts to shift and she starts to move forward. What she wants to do when we get to my house; “you know I have not seen Alex and Justine’s house” and starts to make the list of what she will need to do when she gets to Florida. We make plans for the up coming week, she has moved on.

Connie, thank you for sharing your story. Florida is a great place for seniors and midlifers – we can exercise outdoors year round.

Instant Gratification

I instantly get gratified each week when I see Lorie’s email with her “blog attachment”. Take it away Lorie:

She finished her dinner of grilled steak, loaded baked potato and deep-fried onion with gooey dipping sauce. Just as she folded her napkin, a waiter walked by carrying a tray on which stood a hot fudge sundae. “I’ll have one of those!” she said, feeling instant gratification. The next day she went for her regular medical checkup and was told that her cholesterol was still above reasonable limits and that she had to begin taking medication. She also had type 2 diabetes. Her impulsive decisions and need to be instantly gratified have now affected her long-term health and happiness.

My friend called me in tears. Her husband had cheated on her. He swore that it “meant nothing”. Their family has been hurt and they are now headed toward divorce. His need for instant gratification has ruined his long-term happiness.

Our financial advisor told us of the clients he has who, after only a year into a new Presidency, were angry that we were not out of the recession. They thought we should be back on track and the economy should be stronger than ever. He tried to explain that it takes time, and that things are moving slowly in the right direction. There is no magic wand solution to a global economic crisis, and yet the public doesn’t want to hear that it takes time. They want to be able to receive loans for larger homes and spend money on vacations and newer more expensive cars, not understanding that lack of impulse control helped lead us into this mess. They want to buy now and pay the bill later, if ever.

Hopefully as of next week I will be spending my days in a rehabilitation hospital instead of an acute care hospital. I am preparing my father for the long road he faces. I have told him that some other patients will have an even longer recovery than he will have. There is not a quick fix. There is no other way to becoming functional than to work hard every day. It takes time. We all want him home NOW. We all want him to get out of bed and walk, to be able to swallow his food and to get in his truck and drive off to work. But we cannot snap our fingers and have those things happen. It is going to take months of hard work and patience and determination. He understands all too well. Our family has been down this road before, after my husband’s stroke. It is not fast and it is not easy.

We used to have to wait until evening, when we heard the voice Walter Cronkite or Chet Huntley and David Brinkley, to hear the news of the day. Now, we can turn on one of many 24-hour news shows, or head to our computer, or even get instant updates via our blackberry. We don’t have to wait. In many respects this is good. Sometimes having instant access is even lifesaving. But what happens when we become so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it that we no longer have the ability to wait? If we aren’t used to ever having to exercise impulse control, how do we learn patience? How do we learn patience when we are used to instant gratification?

There are times in life when not being able to delay our instant gratification will undermine our long-term happiness. There are times when, no matter what technology is at hand, there is no fast and easy way to an end result that we need or want. What then? Sometimes we cannot have what we want when we want it. Sometimes we must wait, and understand, in the words of The Most Trusted Man in America, the late Walter Cronkite, “that’s the way it is.”

Lane 8

Reserved Parking

Our Sunday regular Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer, returns to entertain and enlighten us:

I thought that after some time had passed I would learn to ignore it, but it’s been several years now and it still irks me whenever I see it. It is especially annoying when the parking lot is full and I am having an especially rough day. There it sits, mocking me. It is the dreaded Stork Parking sign at my local Food Lion. “Stork Parking” in bold letters, with a character of a bird that belongs on a Vlasic pickle jar. The smaller print beneath the bird gives details for those who may question it; “For new and expectant mothers”.

I have a vague recollection of being pregnant. It wasn’t that bad. People threw parties for me and gave me gifts. I got to buy new clothes. When you are pregnant, you can take a nap when you want or prop up your swollen feet and nobody questions it. You’re “doing it for the baby.” Now I am 51 years old and nobody cares. Google the “35 symptoms of menopause” and see how much fun that sounds like. I’ve paid my dues and I want a special parking space, preferably in a shady area away from noonday sun. It would really be nice to have shuttle service to and from the entrance of the store. While they’re at it, how about a parking space reserved for Mothers of Teenagers? Now there’s a group of women who deserve some special treatment. Maybe menopausal women can get a sign with a vulture on it, for days when we feel especially discarded.

This morning I had to make a run to Food Lion. I forgot to get Gary’s orange juice when I got groceries yesterday. (see menopausal symptom #13, Disturbing memory lapses) The parking lot was nearly empty. The Stork Parking sign was taunting me. I glanced at my reflection in the rear view mirror. I looked like a character from a Tim Burton movie. I was up all night having hot flashes. I pulled into the coveted parking spot. What were they going to do, come out and make me pee on a stick? Tell me to my face that I am too old to reproduce? While I was in getting Gary’s juice, I thought I may as well get myself some Estroven, Nair Facial Hair Remover, Clinical Strength Secret Antiperspirant and a jumbo sized box of Twin Pops. I forced myself to walk past a gorgeous display of the most beautiful glazed doughnuts I had ever laid eyes on. It’s been SO LONG since I’ve had a doughnut! I also saw a shelf of Extra Large Muffin Tops. “No thanks, I’ve already got one of those.”

As I stood in the check out line, I glanced at the magazines. There on the cover of one of them was Jim Bob and Michelle Dugger, holding what I think is their twentieth child. They say they are ready to have another one. Wow. The things some women will do for a good parking spot!

(scroll down for yesterday’s post or go to Lane 8 )