Guest Bloggers – Page 42 – Disney Leadership Keynote Speaker

Happy Holidays From Lorie

Didn't The Whole Thing Start In A Desert? — Didn't The Whole Thing Start In A Desert Somewhere?

Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer:

The last of the Jack-o-lanterns are shriveling and moldy, the mornings are frosty and the leaves are falling. Which can mean only one thing: the countdown is on till the holiday season. By “holiday season”, I am referring to the time that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve and Day. For the majority of Americans, there will be parades, parties, religious celebrations, decorations and lights and traditional foods. Cookies will be baked, gifts will be wrapped and songs will be sung. Tis also the season for a less festive obsession. I am waiting in anticipation for the day when I start to hear the complaints. Last year, my award for most ridiculous display of total contradiction of seasonal good will went to the man who screamed obscenities at a bank teller. Her crime was having the audacity to wish him “Happy Holidays!” instead of “Merry Christmas!” Their story actually made my hometown newspaper. This guy’s reasoning was that she was somehow trying to steal his religion from him. Ironically, she shared his religion. This seems to be becoming an increasingly common knee jerk reaction to what was once considered a warm, friendly and socially acceptable holiday greeting.

I will soon shop for Christmas cards. One year I chose a card with an artists’ rendition of Madonna and child that was just beautiful. Another year I chose a simple white dove with the sentiment “Peace on Earth”. Last year it was a depiction of a pair of cardinals sitting on a snow covered branch with the sentiment “Wishing you a warm and wonderful holiday season.” Each year the intent is the same; I send cards to people who mean something to me and to whom I want to express my friendship. When I send a card that doesn’t specifically identify the season as belonging to any particular religion, it is not my effort to offend, to “take the Christ out of Christmas” or to be part of some type of sinister effort to ban Christianity from the face of the Earth. I am seriously considering skipping cards this year, save for immediate family and my very closest friends. God forbid I should offend someone by inadvertently sending the incorrect warm wishes.

“Happy Holidays” is not a new greeting thought up by some left wing fringe group or cell group bent on the destruction of religious freedom. In fact the song, written by Irving Berlin in 1942 and sung by Bing Crosby, makes no mention of Christmas in its original lyrics. I don’t think anyone wanted it banned at the time. Perhaps when someone wishes us to have a Happy Holiday, we should just accept it as a wish for a happy holiday season and not assume the person is in any way trying to deprive us of our beliefs. “Happy Holidays!” does not mean ‘I hope your dog dies”, or “You’re an ugly beast” or “I wish you would drop dead.” I’m not sure at what point or exactly why this formerly benign greeting became likened to committing a hate crime. Maybe instead of being offended, it would actually be more Christian-like to simply smile back and say, “Thank you. Same to you!” Peace on Earth, goodwill to all.

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Tim Gunn Makes It Work

Who Knows More About Manners Than A Cub Scout?

In her Guest Blogger post today, Lorie Sheffer shares a delightfully refreshing day dream – that manners still have a chance in our society.

What has happened to civility and manners? I’m far from being a stuffy person, but I am appalled by the total lack of basic respect we are seeing all around us. From a member of congress screaming out “You lie!” to the President during a speech, to Kanye West’s rude antics during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech, it seems that good manners have flown out the window. Maybe I’m getting old. Maybe this is what it means to hit middle age, but I longed for someone to step in and show the kids how it’s done. As the song says, I was holding out for a hero.

Which leads me to my love of Mr. Tim Gunn. Tim grabbed my attention the moment I first laid eyes on him. Who was this lanky, silver haired man with the impeccable grooming of Cary Grant and elegance of Gregory Peck? He looked and spoke as if he stepped out of another era. The more I watched the more my fascination grew. He is funny and he is honest. He has a distain for rudeness. His now famous “make it work” applies to many things in life, not just what a designer is creating in the workroom.

A few years ago I had the good fortune to meet Tim Gunn face to face. Tim was just as I had imagined him to be. He smelled of fresh laundry and sunshine. His shirt was a blinding, dazzling white. He was impeccable. He spoke to everyone in the room as though he was the one who was honored to be meeting them. The man radiated warmth and kindness. He made everyone feel at ease. He reminded me of a superhero whose special power is graciousness. I am fairly certain I actually swooned. Tim Gunn is the personification of civility in a world gone wild. Tim Gunn is a gentleman. He calls things as he sees them, but he does so in such a way as to be neither offensive nor boorish.

Recently, Tim made a public service video that is available on Youtube. It was made in response to the recent news of the suicides of gay teens after they had been mercilessly bullied. And what is bullying if not the ultimate in bad manners? Tim’s video is part of the “It gets better” message, and in it he tells of his attempted suicide as a teen struggling with his sexuality. While he may have become known as the mentor to the designers on Project Runway, Tim Gunn has become so much more. Under the guise of something as seemingly superficial as fashion, Tim has become a mentor for manners. Perhaps he is so beloved because he reminds us that kindness and gentility still exist in this crazy world. I recently read a quote by Mr. Gunn that says it all:

“Take the high road. You will never regret it. No matter how much anger and strife you feel you’re facing, no matter how badly you want to lash out, don’t do it. You’ll never regret taking the high road. There isn’t one single time that I’ve lashed out that I haven’t deeply regretted it.”

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Why Should You Be Spared?

No Leaf Is Spared From Falling (from yesterday)

Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer:

Several years ago my friend told me about advice her mother had just given her. We had to laugh at the harshness of it. After pouring out her heart over coffee and strudel, her mother simply looked at her and asked, “Why should you be spared?” A pity party would have been nice. Soothing words would have been welcome. Instead she got five words- no nonsense, old-fashioned German wisdom- that must have felt like a bucket of cold water in the face.

The last five years of my life have been chock full of some real doozies. While I was in my doctor’s office for a regular check-up, she asked how things were going. I gave her a partial list, and her eyes got wide and her jaw dropped. She asked if I was OK. “Well, it’s been rough, but why should I be spared?” I answered.

We all know that bad things happen. People get sick. We lose loved ones. There are times when the economy is rough. (Remember waiting in lines at the gas station in the 70s?) Nobody wants it to be his or her turn at the tough stuff, but if not you, then who? It’s not like the other guy deserves it, either. There are times when, no matter how much we try to prevent it, we can be doing everything right and we just happen to draw the short straw.

Ever notice how, when times are good and life is calm and serene, you rarely hear “Why me?” If you do hear someone ask why he or she deserves such a good and happy life, those around them will jump right in to assure them that their good fortune should be enjoyed. “Why should they be spared” happiness?

There are things we can do to contribute toward our economic security or good health or happy marriage. Wise investments, a good education and careful saving can mean financial stability. Eating a healthy diet, exercising, not smoking and getting regular preventative care can stack the odds in our favor when it comes to our physical well being. But there are some things that just happen. Sometimes life can seem like a crapshoot of sorts. We read about people who dropped out of school and went on to become multimillionaires. I had a great uncle who drank heavily, smoked and was grossly overweight and lived to be well into his nineties. My husband, on the other hand, didn’t smoke, drank in moderation and exercised like it was his job, yet he had a massive stroke when he was forty-four years old. My best friend was a wonderful and loving wife and mother, yet after thirty years of marriage her husband left her for another woman. Perhaps the bad things in life happen as a way for us to have a greater appreciation of the good things. The sun is always brightest just after the storm has passed. That first warm day of spring is so joyous after a harsh winter, as is the first crisp fall day after a sweltering summer.

I have always been a person who has to know the answer. I feel more secure if there is a reason why. I suppose I rationalize that if I can find a reason why, then I can figure out how to stop the same thing from happening again. It gives me a sense of control. It’s hard to accept that sometimes, bad things happen to good people. And yet, I find strange comfort in Maria’s words. She was being kinder than it seemed. Sometimes the answer is simple. “Why should you be spared?”

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20 Million Just Like You?

Does This Little Spider Make You Anxious?

Be kind to people, for everyone you meet is going through some sort of hell. Lorie Sheffer reminds us of this today, and she (inspires) challenges us to face our own hell head on. Take it away Lorie:

Everyone has had the experience of one of those near miss situations that make your heart race and your stomach churn. Maybe it was the time you glanced down for just a second and then looked up to see the car in front of you had stopped unexpectedly. Now imagine if you were to randomly get that same feeling, seemingly out of nowhere for no particular reason. Imagine standing in line at a grocery store, when all of a sudden your hands shake, your heart feels like it is pounding out of your chest and you feel as though you can’t breath. If a wave of terror hit you with such intensity that you were certain you were dying? What if simple things like going to a mall or eating in a restaurant caused you such distress that you were simply unable to do so? If your greatest wish was to be able to make it through your son’s graduation or your daughter’s wedding without feeling overwhelming waves or panic? What if your dream was to enjoy happy occasions and everyday, mundane life without extreme anxiety?

Nine years ago, after hiding my symptoms since as long as I have memory, I finally went for the help that I needed. I was almost immediately diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Many people who have been close to me for years seemed surprised. I had become extremely good at hiding my panic attacks. I grew up in a family where two members, one from each side, had anxiety issues. I heard the words “high strung” when these women would cancel plans at the last minute or have to leave a family gathering suddenly. I would catch the rolling eyes and see the glances that were exchanged. Already a political junkie at 13 years old, I have vivid memories of Thomas Eagleton, George McGovern’s first choice as vice presidential running mate. When Eagleton’s medical records were uncovered and it was learned that he had suffered from anxiety, depression and “nervous exhaustion”, he was immediately dropped from the ticket and replaced by Sargent Shriver. He went on to serve 15 more years in the senate, after which he continued his career as an attorney and professor until just before his death, at age 77, from heart and respiratory disease. Clearly he did not spend the remainder of his days as non-functional. The treatments he endured are antiquated by today’s standards. The example of Senator Eagleton was one that taught me to hide my pain behind an always cheerful, outgoing façade.

For anyone who is too fearful of seeking treatment, I am here to tell you, it will be one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself. You are NOT alone! We all grew up with fellow mid-lifer Donny Osmond. Donny is very open about his struggle with social anxiety and panic. He once said about his Broadway run in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, “There are times I remember before I walked on stage, where if I had a choice between walking on stage or dying, I would have chosen death.” This coming from someone who had been on stage since he was a toddler. That is how incapacitating anxiety can be. There was a time when Food Network star Paula Deen was unable to leave her own home due to her anxiety and agoraphobia. The list of famous people who have had panic and anxiety issues includes Nicolas Cage, Cher, Carrie Underwood, John Madden, David Bowie, Johnny Depp, Steve Martin, Barbra Streisand, Aretha Franklin, Oprah, Carly Simon and Sally Field.

I think the only way to remove a stigma born of ignorance is to stand up, speak out, and put a face to whatever it is that is being misunderstood. I’m not criminally insane, I just happen to have a panic disorder. I am no more responsible for my problem than someone is for his or her juvenile diabetes. It is something in our genetic makeup, and we need to learn to manage it, not apologize for it. Funny thing is, if I happen to be in a situation where I bring up my disorder, there is always at least one person who later comes up to me to say, “me too!” I don’t define myself as “Lorie Sheffer the person with GAD”, but I no longer try to hide it. After all, there are over 20 million Americans out there who are just like me.

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Their Similarities Are Different

Some people need no introduction. Lorie Sheffer is becoming that kind of person here:

I’ve been watching two brothers reconnect through shared grief and loss. They never had a fight or exchanged nasty words; they just seemed to drift in totally opposite directions, an undercurrent of family tension pulling them away from one another. Never having many common interests to tie them, they were content to lead their lives without one another. Now they are automatically reassuming the roles of big brother/little brother. It is fascinating to see. I’m rooting for a lasting reunion.

My own brother and I are total opposites. We don’t even look like we came from the same gene pool. Old family photos of us as very young children show him as being protective of me, holding my hand or always being within reach. He was a good big brother. He was allowed to yell at me or punch me in the arm, but others were not. Not too long ago, the prospect of losing him literally brought me to my knees.

My own two children are as opposite as my brother and me. Thanks to old VHS tapes, there is hilarious evidence of them chasing one another with the cardboard tubes from Christmas wrap, thunking sounds and screams captured on film. Teenaged Jennifer is on tape rolling her eyes in disgust at ten-year-old Ian’s every move. Now, whenever she is in crisis he is the first person she calls. They are one another’s cheerleaders.

As close as we may be to friends or spouses, there is something amazing about having another person who grew up in the same house and who was actually there to witness our childhood. Memories can fade, and sometimes we remember things the way we wanted them to be more than how they actually were. What I find especially interesting is how two people can share the same experience and walk away with a totally different take on what transpired. Two people can see the same movie, and afterward one says they loved it, the other says they hated it; both are telling the truth, and yet they have different opinions based upon their own perspective. The same can be said for recollection of family memories. I hated that trip to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. It was the trip from Hell. My brother, on the other hand, found it to be one of the highlights of his youth.

I very strongly believe that if we listen with an open mind, we can learn a great deal about ourselves through our siblings. They were there through our formative years, sharing our environment. They may remember us with fondness or not. They may have a totally different view of our parents, or they may feel exactly the same as we do. Whatever the case, we can learn about our own feelings and thoughts and fears and dreams by listening to theirs.

It is so easy to slip back into those old roles when we get together with our brothers and sisters. Nothing will turn us into kids again like a family gathering. Sometimes that is good, sometimes not so pleasant. But whatever your relationship may be, understand that there is nobody else who actually shared your childhood the way they did. Having brothers and/or sisters allows us a peek into our childhoods that only children don’t have. What a shame if we don’t appreciate that chance to learn about ourselves.

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