Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness – the final step

Pennard Beach (photo: Lorie Sheffer)
Pennard Beach (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

The final step!

Perspective.

Remember, our story is just one small part of a much bigger picture.

No matter what happens in our lives, the world will still keep spinning on her axis, the waves in the ocean will still feel the pull of the moon, the seasons will change and the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.

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Guest blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness, step 11 – Identity shift

closeup photo of butterfly
Float (softly) like a butterfly (photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

Become the person you wish to be.

We’ve probably all known or heard of a person who is harsh and maybe a bit intimidating or hard to enjoy. We’ll often hear a comment from someone close to that person, along the lines of, “Oh… but he has such a soft side!” or “She really can be sweet when she wants to be!” Notice how, when this person shows that soft side, their face and  body language relaxes, they smile more and they seem generally happier.

Move toward your soft, loving inner self.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness, step 10 – managing stress

Old home movie film reels
Can we lean to stop replaying the old tapes in our past? (Photo: Lorie Sheffer)

 

The tenth step in our way to learning to let go and forgive is to understand all the ways we carry anger, trauma and pain.

We carry it physically as well as emotionally.

There’s an old saying, “Hurt people hurt.” When we carry pain and resentment, we will often lash out and become angry, hurtful people.

A recent study at Temple University Hospital, led by Domenico Practico, MD, Professor of Pharmacology and Microbiology, found strong evidence that “stress is an environmental factor that looks like it may play a very important role in the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.”

Stress is something we can learn to manage. We can’t always remove or change the source of the stress, but we can change how we react to it.

We need to be aware of the same old tapes we play over and over again in our minds. A staggering 98% of the thoughts we have today are the same ones we had yesterday. When those thoughts are negative, no wonder we feel bad.

We can retrain our brains to let go of those negative old thoughts and replace them with new, positive thoughts and memories.

Everyone at some time in his or her life has been hurt, disappointed or betrayed. We aren’t alone in feeling disappointment and pain.  We owe it to ourselves and to those around us to learn to put down those negative thoughts and step away toward happiness.

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Guest Blogger Lorie Sheffer: Forgiveness step nine – Grief

Stonewood Park, Harry Schenck's Eagle Scout project
Stonewood Park, Harry Schenck’s Eagle Scout project he didn’t live to see

 

Step #9 on the path to forgiveness: Grief.

In moving toward forgiveness, we are not attempting to deny that we were hurt by the actions of ourselves or another person.  We are learning to accept that we were caused pain, to grieve and work through that pain, and then to let it go so that so that we can move ahead unencumbered by it.

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Stonewood Park was Harry Schenck’s vision for his Eagle Scout project. He died tragically in a car accicent at age 16, a high school junior. The backstory is here.

 

Lorie Sheffer Guest blogger: Forgiveness Step 8 – Be shown the way

Grandson and Grandma kissing
Lorie Sheffer & Grandson Carter at the end of a conversation and the beginning of forgiveness (photo: Gary Sheffer)

 

Step 8 on the path to learning forgiveness is to allow someone close to you, someone who is easily forgivable, to show you the way.  Pay attention to how easy it is to forgive them, and how little stress you feel about being able to let go, move on, and not allow that moment of anger to spoil the day.

Next, try it with someone who grates on your nerves a bit more. It may be more challenging, but the rewards are worth the effort. Anger doesn’t feel good. Bottled up resentment is hazardous to your happiness.

When you get to the point of being able to let go of the negative feelings toward that slightly irritating person, you will then have the practice necessary to move on to more serious hurts and betrayals. You don’t have to learn to like someone in order to forgive him or her. It’s probably not going to be easy, but with what you have learned so far in the previous steps, it will be doable. It may take time and considerable effort, but don’t give up on yourself! I say “don’t give up on YOURSELF”, because you are the one who will, in the end, benefit the most, both mentally and physically.

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