A Little Rain Must Fall, By Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer

Photo: Lorie Sheffer

Chronic complainers don’t really want solutions to their problems. They seem to feel that life handed them lemons and they bask in their victim status. Make lemonade? Have you seen the price of sugar? And where would they find a pitcher? None of their knives are sharp enough to cut all of those lemons, and even if they were, their carpal tunnel/arthritis/chapped skin would make it impossible. Besides, they couldn’t drink lemonade anyway, as it would certainly give them heartburn; or worse yet, diarrhea.  The chronic complainer can’t take those lemons and make anything out of them, because if they do then they are left with nothing to complain about.

Chronic complainers don’t KNOW they are chronic complainers. They truly feel that they are victims. Nobody has it worse than they do. If you try to make them see that there are others worse off than they are, they will just rattle off a longer list of woes they have to deal with every day. Clearly you must not have all the information. If you really understood how bad they had it, you wouldn’t try to convince them that there could possibly be someone who has a tougher life.

What can you do when you encounter these people? What if you have to work with them, or worse yet what if they are family? Rule #1 is, do NOT fix their problem. Do NOT try to give them advice, no matter how well intentioned. To do so would only enable them to continue to spin their wheels until someone pulls them out of their latest ditch.

This sounds harsh. It goes against our desire to help people. There really ARE people out there who need our help. There are folks who are overwhelmed, who may have hit bad times, or who just need a hand up. We’ve all been there. There ARE people who have been dealt a horribly bad hand.

Your neighbor just broke his leg. His wife is recovering from surgery. Their yard is full of leaves. You decide to get a few other neighbors to pitch in for an afternoon of raking. You never know when you may be the one who needs help. Then you go to your brother’s house. His yard is also full of leaves. He is sitting on his porch, clearly distressed by the situation.

“I hate these trees”, he says. “Well, they sure are nice in the summertime, when you want shade from the sun,” you reply.
“They keep the breeze from blowing through.”
“Have you considered having at least some of them cut down?”
“Do you know what those tree companies charge?!”
“Why don’t you mulch the leaves with your mower?”
“There are too many for that! It would kill the grass.”
“Guess you’ll have to rake them, then.”
“That should be great for my back! I can’t sleep at night from back pain so as it is.”
“Maybe you need to move to a house with less yard…..”
“In this market I wouldn’t be able to get what the house is worth. Besides, I hate those condos.”
“Well, what about hiring a few neighbor kids to rake it for you?”
“KIDS! Kids don’t want to work these days.”

At the end of the conversation, you are worn out and your brother can’t understand how you could be so selfish. After all, he’s tried everything to solve his problem.

Rise Above It, By Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer

Photo: Ian Sheffer, Switzerland
Photo: Ian Sheffer, Switzerland

“Quarreling is like cutting water with a sword”.

We add to our own stress by acting out in anger or getting into pointless arguments just to try to win at a situation that has no meaning. If we practice using restraint, it will eventually become automatic. It really does take greater strength to show restraint than it does to show aggression.

Just this past week, I had to show restraint. I was sitting under a portico at 8AM, waiting in the car with my dad while Mom went inside to get a wheelchair to transport him. We were chatting and I didn’t see a car pull up behind us. What got my attention was a woman pounding the trunk of my parents’ car with her fist while screaming a tirade of obscenities. I calmly got out and apologized to her, even though her behavior was inexcusable. I told her that had her driver asked us to move, or even tapped his horn to signal me, I would have been more than happy to get out of their way. Then I asked her if she needed me to help her get inside. She was rather confused by my reaction, and it was very obvious she was embarrassed by her own outburst. Her driver used this time to head for the parking lot, and the look on his faced told me that he was mortified. She apologized profusely. I smiled and told her that I hoped she would be feeling better soon. My calmness put me in control of the situation and actually gave me the upper hand.

When I got back into the car and told my dad what had happened he shook his head and laughed. My mother, however, was furious. I had to explain to her that we have been stressed by my dad’s illness and that I was not going to allow someone we didn’t even know to add to that stress. Sure, I would have been justified in giving that woman a piece of my mind, but to what end? She was the one who acted out, and she was the one who walked away feeling remorseful for her outburst. Why should I allow her to make me feel bad? My anger would surely have affected both of my parents as well as myself. In most cases, it really is better to rise above it. Not so much for the sake of the person who has offended you as for yourself and for the people who really do matter.

Rhetoric vs Reality By Lorie Sheffer, Guest Blogger

Photo: Lorie Sheffer

“Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” -Eeyore

When it comes to life expectancy, Japan takes the top spot, with Switzerland  #4, France #10, Canada #11 and the UK at #20. All of these countries have Universal Healthcare, with a few of them also having privatized insurance as an option. The United States, “the greatest nation in the world”, ranks #36 in the world in life expectancy.

The #1 reason for bankruptcy in America is inability to pay medical bills. As of September 2010, there were over 59 million Americans who were uninsured. Roughly 22% of children in Texas have no health care coverage. This is a real problem in the United States, and politics aside, it has to be addressed. It seems more a moral issue than a political issue.

I’ve been hearing quite a bit of rhetoric about the “typical” person who is uninsured. It seems that there are folks who either really do believe, or who for some reason are trying to convince their listeners, that the majority of the uninsured are lazy and/or irresponsible and/or trying to milk the system. They want a handout.

My son is a physician at the hospital in Philadelphia that has the highest number of uninsured patients in the state. I asked him if his patients are lazy people who just want to have the rest of us pay for their care. That is what we hear from politicos and talking heads alike. I wanted to hear the real low down from someone who is actually treating these patients, as opposed to someone who is sitting in a radio station or standing behind a podium. I wanted the word from the front line, so to speak.

The reality that my son faces every day is quite different from the picture that is being painted by those who oppose equal access to healthcare. Yes, there are a few people who would love to grab at any handout they could get. But that is the very small minority. What I hear are stories of people who lost their jobs. People who are trying to work two part time jobs to support their families. People who are doing jobs the rest of us wouldn’t want. They are the folks responsible for us having our dinner brought to our table, for us having clean public restrooms; people who clean up after we leave a concert or a sporting event. They are the person who takes our drive thru order, who carries our new appliances into our homes, who mows our lawn and who delivers pizza to our door. They are the people who can’t afford private health insurance. Blue Cross/Blue Shield runs about $900 a month for two adults. These people cannot pay those premiums, but they earn slightly more than the cut off point for Medicaid. They are the working poor. Some have been laid off from jobs, sometimes after having been employed for years by the same company. Some of them choose putting food on the table for their children over medications to treat their own chronic health conditions. They can’t pay for screening tests like colonoscopies and pap tests and blood sugar screenings and mammograms.

This country has mandatory, universal education. We have public schools, which are funded with a combination of local, state and federal tax dollars.  Private schools are available for those who choose them and can afford them. Really, is public healthcare that different a concept?