Category: Guest Bloggers

Memorial Day weekend means that summer is here. Technically it begins on June 20, but everyone knows that the official start to summer is Memorial Day weekend. Summer has smells all its own. Just as the scent of pine and freshly baked cookies says “Christmas” and pumpkin pie, burning leaves and apples say “Autumn”, summer has it’s own signature scents. What are some of your summertime favorites?

My list is long, and any one of these scents can transport me. Freshly mown lawn is a smell that makes my heart sing. Just a few weeks ago, I walked by a parking lot that had a fresh coat of tar, and I sat in my car with the windows down and inhaled that smell for a few wonderful minutes before I left for home. The faint smell of chlorine can instantly transport me back to summers at the community pool. (The same pool that hit jeff noel’s recent post about favorite summer memories! Good call, my friend. Good call.) Suntan lotion is a heavenly scent, especially the kind with that slight coconut aroma. Even though some folks grill food year round, there is nothing quite like the smell of a good, smoky barbeque. Not the gas grill type, but a good old charcoal grill smell. Throw in the smell of a few after dark fireworks and you have magic. I love the smell of fresh sliced tomatoes. None of those hot house or hydroponic types; I’m talking vine ripened heirloom tomatoes. If you grow your own you know the wonderful smell your hands pick up after touching the plants. Nothing can compare to taking a walk or a drive by a cornfield in summer. Cornfields have an amazing scent that is indescribable.

This weekend I will go through my usual rituals of watching Jaws for what must be the 100^th time, putting all of my shoes away till Fall, washing and storing all of the winter blankets and going for the first swim of the season no matter the temperature of the water or of the air. But perhaps my favorite thing will be to mindfully breath in the scent of it all.

Over the next week, make a list of things you are worried about. At the end of the week put that list to the side and for the following month keep another list of which, if any, of those worries actually happened. Now compare the two lists.

How much time and energy did you waste on things that never even materialized? Of the things that DID happen, think about whether your ruminations had any impact on the eventual outcome.

If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anything, then there is also no need to worry.
– The Dalai Lama

I can’t stand this weather. The grass is growing too fast and the weeds are out of control. I’d hire somebody to come and take care of the yard, but you just can’t get anyone to do a decent job these days, and they charge way too much anyway. I don’t go outside because my stupid neighbor is always out there grilling stuff, and between the smoke blowing onto my patio and the disgusting smell of whatever it is he’s grilling, it makes me sick to my stomach. I’d come in and watch TV, but there’s nothing on that’s worth watching.

How much of that kind of negativity can you listen to before you want to run screaming from whoever is ranting? It’s draining to be around negative people, and yet we all know at least one. I’m not talking about the occasional foul mood that can strike even the most cheerful among us, I’m talking about those people who can never seem to find much to be happy about or grateful for; the energy sponges in our lives.

The number one thing to remember is, the minute we start to complain about them, we have become one of them. Tempting as it may be for us to try to change them, it ain’t gonna happen. Allowing ourselves to be sucked into the drama will only fan the flames. We need to realize that we can’t “fix” people, especially those who do not think they are broken. The best way to react to these Debbie Downers is not to react at all. Most importantly we need to realize that anything rude or insensitive they may say to us or about us is not a reflection of us, but a reflection of their own inner misery. We can’t control the thoughts or the behavior of others; we can only control how we respond to them.

I’m convinced that midlife is one of the most stressful times we will ever navigate. I hear it from my friends, see it on their facebook posts, and watch it happening around me. Not only do we have our own changing issues to deal with, but also some of us have children still at home or we are adjusting to an empty house if they have flown the coup. Many of us have aging parents, which more often than not require more of our time and can be emotionally draining as well. It can easily become overwhelming, even for the alphas among us.

There was a morning this week when I was feeling the pressure more than usual. I felt like there was no end in sight for the enormity of everything for which I am expected to have the solution. I carried my mug of coffee to the end of my driveway, clad in what are admittedly ugly pajamas and well-worn slippers. My hair looked like I had been through a wind tunnel, and the circles under my eyes and puffiness of my face gave away the fact that I had not slept very well. When I bent to get the paper off of the sidewalk my back screamed in protest. The cherry on the sundae was that the paper was wet from an early morning shower. As I shuffled back to the house, a sudden breeze carried an unmistakable smell to my sniffling nose. It was the smell of lilacs. The bush at the side of my driveway had begun to bloom, and the buds were starting to open and release their scent.

There is nothing that smells like spring more than lilacs. I noticed that this bush, which I had planted the summer after my husband’s stroke, was now tall and full after having grown for more than 15 years. I planted it and many other flowers, shrubs and trees that summer. Digging in the dirt was a way for me to feel connected; it’s easy to take on that unmoored feeling when we’ve suddenly been thrust into the role of caregiver. Now this gorgeous flowering bush was grounding me again. I breathed in the scent and started to cry. What a release it was to smell something so wonderful and to have that little moment of beauty. The ocean is still my ultimate soul soother, but the nearest beach is a 4-hour drive from me. No matter where we live, there are sights that can sooth us and recharge us. Maybe that old saying about not being able to see the forest for the trees, or the one about taking time to stop and smell the roses, actually does have a valuable message for us. If we just stop and take time to look, there are things all around us that can give us a moment of peace. They may not be the dream vacation that we need, but even small moments of calm can see us through till the seas are a bit less rough and the navigation is not so challenging. We cannot control the direction of the wind, but we CAN adjust our sails.