Humans Discount Simple Answers
Each and every day, what do you get done before leaving your dwelling?
Is it the same every day, or different?
Are you in a fog or crystal clear?
I’d say it was roughly 40 years before I figured out the difference.
And the answer has changed my life. I hope it transforms yours as well.
However, the answer is so simple, most of you will never figure it out.
Today is an “active rest” day.
Will You Overcome Your Fear Of Success?
Who’s permission do you need to do whatever it is you want to do?
Maybe it’s crazy to think this, but can’t we assume that at midlife, we are old enough and responsible enough to make good changes, better changes?
If not you, who?
If not today (or soon), when?
If someone asked you what’s at the very center of your life, what would you say?
1 Adult, 4 Boys, 1 Girl & 1 Puppy
Do you find it intriguing that as we get older we spend less and less time, maybe even no time, on some of the most basic, fundamental essentials?
Like exercise.
Like art.
Like experimentation.
Last night, returning from a three-day trip, we had Cooper in our front yard. Four children in the yard across the street came running over.
Walking would have only cost them 10-15 seconds more.
Today’s post at Lane 8 should only take 10-15 seconds to read.
“No great deed, private or public, has ever been undertaken in a bliss of certainty.”
– Leon Wieseltier
This is something that we all need to grasp. Our lofty, childhood dreams to do good and noble work may never be reborn in midlife, because Leon is right.
Kids rarely walk from one thing to another. Why did we stop running everywhere?
Eat More Chicken
“Sandwiches”, by Lorie Sheffer.
“When we were kids, did you ever think we would grow up to become sandwiches, because that’s what we are,” my friend told me.
The Sandwich Generation is the term used to describe us. There are several types on the menu, too.
The Traditional: Those of us who are caring for aging parents as well as our own children who are still living at home.
The Club: Those in their 50s and 60s who are caring for aging parents, their own adult children and their grandchildren. Or people in their 30s and 40s who are caring for their own young children, parents and grandparents.
Open Faced: Anyone involved in elder care.
According to a Pew Research Poll, 1 in 8 American’s aged 40 – 60 is involved in elder-care.
I thought of this when I sat in at my father’s bedside and my daughter brought my grandson in for a visit. Up until June of this year Dad was very independent. It was sometimes difficult to get in touch with my parents because they were always out doing something. Since the day he was born, I cared for my grandson while his parents worked and I drove to his house every day to get him off of the school bus when he started school. He’s 10 now and he is used to seeing me almost every day. “I miss you. When can we have a sleepover?” he asked me. My daughter has a more flexible work schedule now, so I am trying to spend as much time with Dad as I can. I miss my grandson horribly. While neither my father nor grandson lives with me, I spend tremendous amounts of time with them. I miss my adult son, who lives 2 hours away and is a 4th year medical student. Needless to say, he doesn’t have much extra time to come home, though he and his wife do try to squeeze in a trip as often as possible. I want to go to Philadelphia for the day and visit them and see their new house. We text one another and chat on the phone regularly, but those things don’t replace a hug. I hate to miss a day of visiting Dad, so my husband and I have not left the area this summer.
And so it goes. The Life of a Sandwich. It’s a familiar story. The characters differ, the setting and circumstances are not quite the same, but the core of the story remains. It is stressful and it is demanding and it is draining. But at the heart of it, there are people in our lives for whom we feel a deep love and sense of commitment.
(Lane 8 blog)
Florida State Tree
Stormy weather. Most of the time we get advanced notice. Earthquakes, tornadoes and flash floods are exceptions.
Every year in Florida and all along the southern region, we are advised to check our hurricane preparedness.
There really is no excuse for not being prepared.
Well there are a ton of excuses. I get that.
Same with midlife.
It’s stormy weather for many people.
We should see it coming, and maybe we do. But, so predictably, we ignore it.
Looking forward to the tree service coming this morning to provide a “hurricane cut” for 30 palm trees.
(next blog)
Let The Vacation Commence
Photo from yesterday, the first day of our summer vacation at Disney World. There is something magical about midlife.
There are certain privileges one gets glimpses of from spending a lifetime doing good and decent work.
Have you ever been one of the first Guests inside the Magic Kingdom?
Our Honeymoon Was Amazing
Do you have amazing midlife days?
And if you’re not at midlife, or past midlife, do you still have amazing days?
What does it take to have an amazing day?
Who gets to decide if it was amazing, or not?
What criteria should a person use to judge amazing, in a single day?
Is amazing replicable?
Do you inspire yourself?
What If We Felt This Way About Our Life?
Time marches on.
We ignore this out of fear.
We fear it it because it’s unknown.
It’s unknown because we don’t explore it, don’t study it.
Because we are ignorant, we remain fearful.
And because we’re afraid, we set no lofty goals. No plans to do great work that makes a difference in our world.
It’s like washing our hair.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Like going through the motions.
Then we die.
It all goes by so fast.
Gary And Lorie 1996
Lorie Sheffer returns for more of her midlife wisdom. Take it away Lorie:
When people meet my husband, they think he is polite, friendly and rather quiet. While he is all of those things, he is also the single most driven person I have ever known. Never one to announce his dreams or his goals, he just goes about quietly and methodically checking them off of his “to do” list. In the 1960s, he was one of millions of teenagers who were struck with Beatle mania. He wanted to learn to play electric bass guitar, but his father saw music lessons as a waste of money. Gary found a cheap bass and taught himself to play by ear. He got so good that he was able to supplement this income through high school and college, and even into his adult years, by playing in local bands. In high school, he played football and his team became county champions. When he decided he wanted to become an engineer, he was told by guidance counselors that his math skills were too weak, and to consider another career. Five years later he graduated from Penn State with a degree in mechanical engineering. He skied for the first time at age 21, and by the time he was 26 he was a member of the National Ski Patrol. It seemed that nothing was out of his reach if he set his mind to it. And then, at the age of 44, the unimaginable happened. Everything was taken away in a matter of minutes.
February 11, 1996 was a glorious winter day in York County, Pennsylvania. Gary had recently mastered snowboarding, and was taking a few runs while his 11-year-old son was practicing with the ski-racing club on another ski slope. While boarding on a steep but otherwise unremarkable slope, Gary fell. For him, this was unusual but not cause for alarm. What did interest him, however, was his seeming inability to hold his right glove in his hand when he removed it. He boarded to the bottom of the slope and rode the lift back to the top, only to find that it was now difficult to push his boot into his binding. Clearly something was wrong, so he headed to the ski patrol building, where it soon became obvious to his fellow patrollers that something very serious was happening. That something turned out to be a massive hemorrhagic stroke, caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation, or AVM. Over the course of the next few hours, Gary lost all sensation in the entire right half of his body, lost the ability to speak and understand language, was partially blind in his right eye, and suffered from complete right side paralysis. I was in the shock trauma unit of the hospital when I was told by his neurosurgeon that he was “probably going to live” but would be left with “significant, permanent disability”. My first reaction? “You don’t know my husband. He won’t finish this ski season, obviously, but I’ll dust off my skis and have him back on the slopes when they open next season.” Ignorance is bliss, and I had no idea what we were in for. Had I known then what I know now about traumatic brain injury, I would have fallen apart for sure. I had no idea at that time that his chances of ever even walking again were about 10% at best. After a week in the intensive care unit, Gary was moved to a rehabilitation facility. He was one of the worst cases they had ever seen for a person his age. When I was asked by a group of his therapists about his interests and goals, one of them laughed and said, “Doesn’t this man ever do anything easy?” At that point, they knew they were working with a fighter. They considered it “game on!”
This story is one that can’t be told in one single blog. Patience is something I never had. Patience is something that every survivor of traumatic brain injury has to learn. Patience is what it will take for you to find out how this story ends, or if it has indeed ended. I promise I will let you know what happened, and how it happened. Have patience.
Time Waits For No One
Wow.
Life has a way of rewarding us when we least expect it.
Life has a way of punishing us when we least expect it.
By midlife (which is relative), we should be fully aware that we will get our fair share of both. And that in either case, the timing can not be predicted.
Do you understand this?
Do you prepare for this?
Do you react to it?
Or do you celebrate because of it?
If you are seriously looking for more peace at midlife, or any life stage, being prepared for the unexpected is key.
Common sense, but not common practice.
Why?
I Love Mondays
Alright, it’s Monday and I’m traveling again. And in my line of work, I seem to see a lot more than most. Here’s some midlife wisdom from bits and pieces along the way.
When you come to your midlife-crisis fork in the road, take it.
But don’t stop for dinner at the Midlife Crisis Cafe, nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded.
MBA’s and Blogging are both overrated, and their similarities are different.
People call my friend a midlife old man, because back in his day, they called amphibians showoffs.
And when they said someone was a little green around the gills, they actually meant it.
Anyway, happy Monday. It’s amazing the stuff you can think of when you think of stuff.
That last one is the only original. All the others are on consignment.
Your Clock Is Ticking
“Aspire to inspire, before you expire.” — unknown
Before we know it, our time will be through. No second chances. No do overs.
If tomorrow never comes, will you be ok with that?
“Your chances of success in any undertaking can always be measured by your belief in yourself.” — Robert Collier
What is the difference between confidence and arrogance?
What is the difference between self-assured and boastful?
What is the difference between succeeding and failing?
Odds are we’ll fail.
But at least now we know how to increase our odds for success.
Super Hero?
Men of a certain age is the target audience for Mid Life Celebration. Baby Boomer men, and Gen X men over 40 years old.
All are welcome, of course. Yesterday’s Mid Life Celebration Guest Blogger, Lorie Sheffer, recommended “Men of a Certain Age” on TNT, tonight (Monday’s) at 10PM.
Click here to view Men of a Certain Age website. Viewing it will give you a quick idea whether or not you want to check it out. I’ll have to record it because 9:30PM is “lights out”.
Took a quick look yesterday. Really liked what I saw.
If you’ve seen it, and feel like it, share a quick comment about the show. Happy Monday.